I have a lot of buried emotions. Going back to childhood and further still, I learned to repress a lot of things – anger, sadness, wildness, hurt, rejection, vulnerability, pain of all kinds. I learned- rightly or wrongly, by whatever degree- that to act out my emotions would embarrass or harm me.
When I learned about the Tao (substitute ‘the need for inner peace’ if that has bothersome connotations for you), I mapped my repressive patterns onto it. In other words, every hurt that I was unwilling to feel, every fear and resentment and wounded affection, I buried, hid from others and myself, so that I could appear put together.
This came at a cost.